Gratitude - reconciliation and reconnecting....

Looking back on my experiences, I can identify at least three or four situations where Mom has persevered in reconnecting family. The first was my Dad's brother's family; the California cousins. It's a long story of flight from a painful, cloistered Amish-Mennonite past, and a break in relationship that lasted at least 15 years. One summer in the mid to late 60's, Mom was in California for some education conference and she called the offended sister-in-law. I have this mental image of her sitting on a bed in some little hotel in South California. She told me that at first  it was all she could to keep P.  from hanging up on her. But the call stretched into an hour-long conversation, then an invitation to visit, and ultimately led to a reunion with my Dad and his nieces and nephew and their families. Mom and Dad had several visits with them over the next 20 or 25 years. I finally met one of these cousins a few years ago, and when I remarried a few years ago, she sent a hand made doily that her mother (the offended sister-in-law) had made.

Mom didn't have the same role in making the initial reconnection to my Dad's half sister, Aunt K, aka  Sister T. The story of how dad and I found here has entered family legend.  But Mom has persevered in sustaining the relationship since Dad died. Actually, when Dad died, mom asked Aunt K to come stay with her, and she did for several weeks. What a rich addition to our family that has been.

I also credit my Mother with keeping the connection between our family and my oldest brother's kids after my brother died. With J it was probably easier, since during his critical public school years he lived in the same town. But from what  I  could see, Mom led the charge in putting him first in the relationship with his mother's family.  And that has translated into a transformation of the relationship  with his mother's whole clan. One of his aunts recently wrote with a very sweet offer to help Mom out in any way possible as her health declines. Thinking back 40+ years, it is hard to believe that would have happened but for Mom's tenacious belief in the importance of that relationship.

With M it was harder, because of she was 4 hours away, and because her mom and dad were never married, and my brother caused  a lot of pain for her mom.. I don't know how she did it, but I know that Mom again reached out to M's mother very early in M's life. Somehow she was able to do it in a non-demanding and non-threatening way, and sewed seeds that are still blossoming and growing.

I'm grateful for these stories of perseverance and reconciliation. Mom modeled grace and respect for others, and an acute sense of responsibility for the well being of family.