Gratitude...

So we learned this week* that my mother has pancreatic cancer. The prognosis is, in the doctor's words, "weeks and months, not months and years."

The night that we found out I was talking to her, and it turned out that she was the one comforting me. That's not how it is supposed to work, but there it is. She said something like

I'm 92. I've had a good life, and I'm not going to live forever. I've had more time to think about this then you boys have, and I'm ready to go. Rather than think about how sad we are, let's be grateful what we've had. My own mother died when I was nine. We've had a good long time together. I'm grateful for being able to watch your kids grow up, and to get to know you as an adult. Let's be glad for that.

And we talked more about some of the things that we were each grateful for, and what has made hers  a long and good life.

I decided to post this story on this blog for myself, and for others because it is the only approach I can find that keeps me from plunging into sadness and despair. In the coming days I intend to share some of those stories as a kind of living eulogy. I don't know who else will read this. If you have a story to share that you'd like to add to the list, please email it to me or write it in comments. I will be publishing these anonymously because this is private and the internet is so public, so leave names out if possible, or abbreviate with initials.

Stay tuned.

*We got this news on Nov. 5, 2012. I wrote this entry on Nov. 7, 2012 and then set the date in the headline at the top of  this post a year out so it would be "sticky" and stay at the top of the list because it explains the posts below.)